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mo' fidelity | August 22, 2017

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Superstar DJs with Annie Mac | ep. 5: Diplo

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Raya Raycheva

We’ve come to the last episode of Annie Mac’s Superstar DJs – a show dedicated to the fabulous and hectic lives of in-demand DJs and producers. The ‘producer’ part seems to get lost in translation but then again, the show’s supposed to appeal to a broader audience, right? This is mainstream television. Newcomers to the world of dance music would only get confused I suppose…

We’ve learned a lot in these past 4 episodes – Tiesto has no personality, Seth Troxler is a super fun/awesome/courageous guy, Disclosure are the nicest chaps in the whole of England and Fatboy Slim has a weird poster of one-hit-wonder-fake-lesbian-Russian duo Tatu.

That’s what we were supposed to learn, right?

Now it’s episode 5 and it’s time to learn stuff about Diplo. I’m going to be frank about a couple of things upfront because I cherish honesty in this blogospace:

1) I don’t like Diplo’s music;

2) before watching the show I didn’t know shit about his personality;

3) through the power of self-importance, entitlement, premature judgment and logical deduction I assumed he must be a douchebag BUT…

4) I stand corrected and publicly admit that he seems to be a pretty decent dude (at least on the show) (AUTUMN EDIT: I take it back. Click here to read. Cliched lad.)

5) this week he released a remix of Lorde’s “Tennis Court” that I enjoyed quite a bit.

So there. Let’s begin.

(NB: 1) My internet is being an asshole and my screen caps are going to suck. 2) Admitting that I found Diplo likable on the show doesn’t mean I didn’t give myself a headache from rolling my eyes at stupid stuff on the show. 3) I roll my eyes at myself as well so there’s balance, guys. Chill.)

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Here’s DiploMad Decent‘s label boss, globetrotter, one of the people you can hold responsible for the mainstream EDM American (fine, and European too) craze. His real name is Wesley Pentz, which, I have to admit, is a cool name.

He’s produced tracks for people like Madonna, Justin Bieber, Snoop Dogg and Shakira and is known for putting on cuh-raaaazy parties alongside his group Major Lazer. He also does things like this.

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DJing 101. Lesson 1: You clearly don’t need to be behind the decks.

We kick off our journey in Miami at Ultra Music Festival. Since I was (and still am) a very impressionable young queer-mo, I can’t say or type the word ‘Miami’ without imagining Eva Mendes being sultry for 1.3 seconds in that Will Smith video. Hola mamacita!

Anyway, Diplo has flown in from a show in Mexico and is now obsessed with the idea of boats. No, really. I even googled ‘boat fetish’ just in case I’d have to sound more informed about it but nothing came up (as if, I know you creeps have fetishes for everything).

On the gang’s way to The Boat we learn that Diplo hasn’t played Ultra just by himself in 5 years so the pressure’s on.

We also get a very long close up of this guy who’s presumably tweeting : In a car, on my way to a boat #LivingItUp (In the FUTURE, one page down, I find out who The Tweeting Guy is. STAY TUNED. #SuperProfessionalMusicBlogger)

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Why so sad, dude? You’re going on a boat! In Miami! I’ve only been on an inflatable boat that one time in Bulgaria. The engine broke and we were attacked by a group of purple, vicious jellyfish. True story.

It’s so important to get to the festival on a boat that they actually pass the festival with the car so that they can get on a boat and go back to the festival on A MUTHERFUCKING BOAT.

There’s one hour to his show at Ultra but no, boat.

Then they go to the wrong pier. Sigh.

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But… but… all I wanted was a boat…

I was so relieved when they finally got on the bloody boat that I almost missed some pieces of information – Diplo was a school teacher before he quit to devote himself to DJing and traveled to Brazil the second that decision was made.

The best part, however, is that That Guy is happy now he’s on the boat. I’m so happy for you, Guy!

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This is when I googled Major Lazer and realized the dude’s part of the group. Don’t expect me to know these things.

BUT THEN ANOTHER BIGGER BOAT GETS IN THE WAY OF OUR BOAT AND OH MY GOD BOATS.

They arrive and Diplo has to go on stage immediately cause there’s no time and here’s what happend:

1) First thing Diplo does is start talking into a microphone.

2) There are a million people in bikinis twerking!

3) Is that fucking Riff Raff?

4) Butts!

I sincerely miss the boats now.

Moving on!

We’re in Wynn Casino, Las Vegas and Annie has lost her voice from following Superstar DJs around and not getting enough sleep (I’m looking at you Seth Troxler with your super awesome courageous sets at 7am. Also, you’re my favourite).

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Fancy hotels never make me jealous because I know that los ricos también lloran.

Diplo says he gets experimental in Vegas cause he plays hip-hop and stuff. Then people come to him and are all like ‘Dude, where do you find that stuff, it’s so FORWARD’ and he’s all like ‘It’s on the radio and shit, like you can download it…’

You may think I’m joking but that last sentence is the actual quote. Yep.

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Similar to my reaction. Also, butts.

Everyone’s female, white, in bikinis and having a seizure. I mean, twerking.

Because that’s what dance music is all about, obvs.

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I guess Annie is just not THAT experimental.

Then we’re off to the hotel’s recording studio to have a chat and Diplo says that being a producer is about being a good salesman. It ain’t about the chords and progressions, man. I applaud his honesty.

(It may be about the butts as well. Worth checking into that.)

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Would you like to buy this collection of encyclopedias, miss? The entry for ‘butt”‘has pictures.

We learn that Diplo never had anybody teach him anything and can’t believe he’s gotten so successful in Vegas.

Umm, try getting successful in Detroit, that’s all imma say.

Annie goes into the booth to get ‘produced’ (Broduced? HAHA.) by Diplo. I gotta say, I loved her before and I love her even more now after these series. She should do more hosting of shows. ANY SHOWS. (May I suggest DJ cooking shows? Once, again my man Seth can get involved.)

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Ill, no voice and, bless her, sounds horrible – already better than the next number one Billbord album.

But Diplo will fix it, no worries. He’ll autotune it. SURPRISE.

TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL BREAK.

(If you feel like I’m getting meaner by the second, you’re correct. NO BOATS FOR ME.)

We return to a brief online video conversation between Annie and Diplo, who’s busy producing Madonna or whatever and then we’re off to Barcelona. And not just Barcelona but Razzmatazz in Barcelona.

Barcelona is the best. Razzmatazz is the best. Things are picking up for me here cause finally I’ve been at one of the places that show keeps talking about. ONE VENUE, GUYS! I’VE EXPERIENCED SO MUCH IN LIFE.

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‘Wow, that recapper is really annoying, no?’ – ‘Could she be suffering a heat stroke?’ -“‘Fast! Get her on a boat!’

Barcelona is the first European place where Diplo DJed 10 years ago and it’s a pretty sweet one for a debut. I DJed in Plovdiv once. Google it. It’s like a hybrid between Vegas, Miami and Barcelona with a Brazilian twist. I swear.

Diplo has done 8 shows in 10 days and the future is even busier. Annie is having a panic attack just hearing this.

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Cure for panic attacks.

Diplo has a 3-year-old son and is missing a lot of his growing up with that hectic DJ schedule but at least the kid will be provided with a pretty sweet lifestyle.

Apparently, Madonna wrote them the recommendation letter for school and the kid’s already demanding to meet Usher. Just don’t raise another spoiled douche, Dips.

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RAZZMATAAAAZZZZZZZZZ!

Also, Diplo has some pretty cool t-shirts but that’s not important really.

So, obviously, playing in America makes him more money but he tries to come to Europe as much as possible. He says that Europe is the home of dance music which is extremely factually wrong and New York, Chicago and Detroit had a collective heart attack this very moment.

Annie asks what he’s planning on for his show later on and he points all the surfaces that he’ll be jumping on in the course of the night. I couldn’t make these these things up even if I tried.

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“I’m gon jump here and I’m gon jump there and I’m gon jump eeeeeeeverywheere!”

Diplo has a dubplate of Madonna’s ‘La Isla Bonita’ where she sings (in the style of a whiny child, may I add) ‘Last night I dreamed of Major Lazer’.

Annie goes berserk.

I start dreaming of boats.

It’s all good.

And then it’s time for the gig and the butts.

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Dance music culture heritage.

That’s it. I can’t even think of a closing sentence. My lap top will explode any second now and I can’t afford a new one so that. Is. It.

I’m out.

Boats.

If geography permits you, you can watch the whole episode on 4od.


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